“How To Go From a Good Relations To a Great Lover”
In recent weeks I got several questions about relationship problems. Questions that were more or less the same.
An example; A few months ago I was at a business meeting. There was a conversation between men and women. People like you and me. We talked about their private lives. “But partners must understand that we express you selves through our jobs and that we vent when we got home”. And often we have to deal with tensions that need to be understood by our partner?
There was unanimous ‘Yes’ .
I think that is nonsense, a partner does not have to understand. I think you can never vent at your partner, therefore he or she isn’t your partner. You expect that you can vent and that therefore your partner have to accept, understand, and take over.
That’s a very bad start for a good relationship. Let’s go back to the beginning of a relationship. Two people fall in love. In the animals behaviour we call “mating urge”. But being in love will go away, it will change over into Love, and this will go away too.
Whether the relationship is over, or whether it goes on a lower flame, what mostly happens because there are already many agreements made. For example Living together, getting married and so on.
But there is a higher form. This form of love will change in a deeper level, you become each other’s friends, your become soul mates.
There are agreements that never need to be addressed. Since, it is self-evident. I asked one of the businessmen: “Do you have a partner? “Yes”, he said. I asked him. “Do you give and love to each other”? The answer was, “yes” again. That is something really special. This is not just something. You must be careful with it, if someone cares about you.
Then why let of steam to your partner? You must not hurt other people and certainly not the people who care about you. It isn’t done. Think also of your family members, your friends, your colleagues in the workplace.
A good manager knows precisely to separate his private life from his work. That also goes for the other person. Your partner does not bother with irrelevant internal whining, or: the children were again so annoying. Realize that you both have a busy life. Children need attention so, as all other activities or jobs. Both sides need some attention from each other, but that should never be a negative consideration. Our private life is the basis for a comfortable and happy life.
It is important that both partners be aware that you have a good relationship. That must be a matter of course, if not, then there is a change that the relationship become a routine, and that’s a bad relationship.
In my work I come across people with issues.
Major culprits are; irritation (and usually about nothing), or the problems created by the daily grind. The symptoms are often “I miss the warm feeling we shared when we just meet. We constantly grumble together.
I do not give advice.
I ask them to make a choice.
How do you go?
There are three possibilities.
1.) You stop with the relationship, divide the assets and if there are children your both are making clear agreements. Since, I do not need to coach you.
2.) You will continue in the same way. Then there is nothing for me to do, because I can not help you.
3.) You put both your shoulder to the wheel, to try and make something beautiful of your relationship and start again. This is a away I can coach you. There is willingness, grow and connection.
Usually both partners make the choice for the third option. But do not hard, forgive each other and in addition how to proceed, make appointments. If there is not too much happened, it is usually good.
My Conclusion: A good relationship is composed of 100 percent. The two partners are giving 50 percent of their attention to the relationship, then that is 100 percent. The other 50 % is for their work, hobbies, sports or other activities. The other 50 % should never interfere with the relationship or at the expense of a friendship.
Make your life Enjoyable…